Weigh-in Week 2

Still going strong....3 more pounds gone. So total weight lost is now 10.4!! GO ME!!

its funny though, I was a bit nervous going today. I didn't think I would lose cuz this week was kinda iffy. I journaled all week but I went over points two days and I only did curves for 2 days. But I guess I did something right cuz I still managed to lose. This week I plan on doing better.

I'm feeling ok. These last 3 days I've been feeling really crappy. I don't know if its from the food choices I've been making or the lack of exercise or the weather or what....I've just been feeling like shit. And very tired.

even today....I got up at 7 to go to the meeting and when I got home I laid down for about an hour till Sarah got up and then I was up until she went to work at 1:30. I was getting a serious headache so I took a strong pain pill that knocked me out and when she got home from work she woke me up and I felt so much better. (tylenol 3 if you wondering)

so we made dinner since the rest of the house was gone and we've been working on this glow in the dark puzzle that were just about finished with and and tomorrow were going to church.

more on that later....

have a good weekend
jeannine

Hey I didn't know I had muscles there????

Week two and its going pretty good. I'm not as strict as I should be with food but its not bad either. I'm always within points. I'm trying not to to use my flex points but that is not working yet. I'll get there.

Curves has been good. We started on Monday and went again on Tuesday. Today we didn't go cuz she had to work. We decided that we will go whenever she doesn't have to work. She works mostly on the weekends and maybe one or two days a week so that is a good plan. So Thursday, Friday and after the meeting on Saturday were going to go and Sunday its closed so there's a day off. She really likes it a lot so she's motivated to go. I think too cuz the money comes out of her account...Makes her want to do it more. heh

so I'm happy to finally say.....I'm exercising!!!! yayayay

its amazing how much better I feel in the short amount of time. I'm on my second week and already I don't hurt as much. My feet still hurt but that is mostly because of heel spurs that I developed recently. What a pain in the butt that is...Ugh.

but I feel really good. And still quiet proud. Lets see how it going on Saturday.

have a good week
jeannine

Weigh In Day - Week 1

Today was a good day...Lost 7 lbs!! YEAH for me!!!

yesterday wasn't my typical "day before weigh-in" type of day meaning that I ate more than usual before a weigh in. But I did really good the entire week. I did use my flex points and yesterday was the only day I actually went over. Bad day to do that...But ah well. I felt good all week. I felt the loss too and the difference in my body. I took my lunch with me every day except Thursday and I didn't stop at any fast food place at all. We had our dinners planned out for the week so we already knew what we were having and who was cooking and that was tremendously great. I really like knowing what's for dinner and knowing that there is a person actually scheduled to make it. The roomie and I split the week up. And I think it worked out really well. I carefully journaled and tracked my points and drank my water and I'm quite proud of my success.

last night Sarah and I went for dinner and I had a chicken salad cold plate which is a scoop of chicken salad and a scoop of cottage cheese and a plate full of fruit. It was really yummy.

yesterday we also joined Curves!!! Finally!!! I'm really excited and scared. I know its going to be really really hard at first but I'm going to do it. No now I truly have no excuse. Both Sarah and the roomie are members so I'll always have someone to go with. Also...This is coming out of sarahs check so ill be sure to not let her down. This is going to be a great thing...For all of us.

well that is my update here. There is more on my other site if you want to check out the rest of my day.....

have a good week!!
hugs, jeannine

First Day

(this was written at 11am)

6:30 am. Saturday. I'm awake.

knowing that this is a good thing for me and I really need to do this, in my head...I'm still cursing cuz ITS SATURDAY DAMIT!!!

so I'm in the shower trying to wake up thinking about what's to come and I'm getting exciting about it. Going through the list of things to do since I'm up so freaking early I might as well make it worthwhile and change the routine a bit (like my attempt last week) and hopefully not have any major downfalls this weekend.

clean the bathroom
do the dishes
make breakfast for Sarah and I
walk the dog
do laundry
vacuum the bedroom
pick up the living room
return the movies
clean this desk
take a nap
see a doctor about wrist

I can say that the first 4 are already done and I'm thinking about skipping down to that nap cuz I'm really sleepy right now. I was going to wait till about 2 to lay down and just get up when Sarah got home from work at 4:30 but I think I'm going to get it over with now so that I'm refreshed later.

the weather is starting to chill. It feels good. I too am with Bonnie on the cool weather. I love it. I would so much rather be cold and be able to put something on to warm up then it be a hundred freaking humid degrees and not be able to take something OFF!!! and even if I was able to take it all off (like say if nobody was home) your still hot and sticky. So bring it on cold front....I'm ready!

now if I can only find that damn coat. Do I even have one??? Ugh

back to my day....

so its 7:20 and the roomie and I are out the door and on our way to weight watchers. It might not have seemed it since it was 7:30 and I've yet to have breakfast OR coffee....So even though I might have looked like I was not so thrilled to be there....I was. Very excited.

the weigh in........379

it wasn't a major shock cuz I pretty much knew the number since my scale at home was pretty close to it, but that's the number. They talked about that new turn around program, but I'm sticking with flex points. I like it so much better and you can choose which one you want to do so I was happy about that. I'm hoping to reach my 10% in 4 weeks. That's my goal. (That's 37 lbs for those of you who don't know) 10 lbs a week I know might seem a lot for some....But for me it was pretty easy the first time and if I stick to it like I plan and will do.....Its a pretty good possiblility that it will happen. And yes...I will be eating all my points and following the program. I am not starving myself to get to that goal...Trust me on that. I'm not in a hurry....Just want to be steady and focused and ready for the crunch.

so That's me today.

A New Day

Since my last entry I must say...I'm doing a lot better. Sometimes you just need to get slapped by reality and that does the trick.

A big huge thank you to all of you who have emailed, called, and intervened...LOL. The support is just overwhelming and I can't thank you enough. You know who you are.

I have to say...Falling through the stairs is a real eye opener. Since that day I feel like I have been living on the outside looking in. Having an outer body thing...Make sense? Its hard to explain. I used to say that I don't feel as big as I am and now I see myself as who I am. Its hard to explain.

I received a really wonderful email from a fellow journaler who shared an experience, almost the same experience and it was just nice to know that I am not alone. I talked to my mom who proceeded to yell at me through IM and at the end was laughing and that was really nice. My roomie called me at work and told me that "were talking" when I got home on Monday. I have to say....It was one of the most helpful. I have that motivation again. Its not as strong or obsessive as it was the first time but its there. I can feel it.

I'm joining weight watchers again.
I'm also going to attend TOPS meetings. I think ill need that support group atmosphere and they have meeting a few times a week. I'm getting information on this tomorrow.

this week has been a good one so far. It was a real struggle at first but I haven't seen McDonald's all week. I've been having breakfast at home and bagging my lunch and eating dinner at home. I just stepped on the scale (at 8pm after eating dinner) and it says 371.

I must be doing something right.

so the journey begins again and I'm looking forward to the outcome, the ups and downs and the going to the support groups.

I'm looking forward to living again.

thank you again everyone. I love you all!
hugs, jeannine

Good Day Gone Bad. True Confessions.....

Thursday forecast called for rain. It was cloudy looking like any minute it was going to pour but did not. Well not until that night anyway, but the entire day I kept telling people (people who came to me as asked me if I was ok) that "I'm really feeling my age today" and I was.

the entire day was nothing but pain. My back, my legs, my knees, my hips, my feet did nothing but hurt all. Day. Long. It didn't matter how many pain pills I took..Nothing worked. My day was slow paced and just miserable. I literally came home from work around 5pm, took a pain pill, hit the bed and didn't wake up till the next morning. Since it rained through the night, Friday was a much better day. The only thing that hurt was this damn corn I have on my little toe that is most annoying.

last night (Friday) Sarah went to get her hair braided, so we went to this lady's house and sat there for 8 hours while she was getting this done. After about 2 hours I asked her (Sarah) if she was hungry and she said yes (since we didn't eat dinner) and I proceeded to take orders. I was more than happy to do so cuz I was bored and needed to get out. Getting stiff too from sitting in front of her computer that she was having trouble with so I kept myself busy with that. (it was a complete mess and needs to be restored if your interested in knowing) so White Castle was the food of choice and so there I went.

everyday it's becoming more and more of a struggle to do things. I have a very small car. My very big body in this very small car doesn't make for a comfy drive. But I deal. So after getting gas and going home to get a few things I go to WC. Drive thru. Placed the orders and then mine. I got myself 10 cheeseburgers with the intention of eating them before I get back to the house. That was/is my mind set these days. Ordering food for the drive home. Then getting home and eating dinner. I'm embarrassed to even type this but it has to be done. cuz nobody knows just how much I really do eat. So the drive back to the house is no more than 15 minutes and I proceeded to start eating. I had two left when I got back to the house making it look like that was all I got for myself. Its pretty sad.

Hi my name is Jeannine and I'm a food-aholic.

McDonald's has become my best friend. I stop there almost every morning for breakfast which would be the number 3 with an extra hash brown and orange juice which will be eaten in the ten minutes remaining of my drive for work. You would think it stopped there right....No. Every morning at 7am (my routine) when I get to work I start my day with a cup of coffee and a sweet Danish type thing from the vending machine. Its come to the point that if I don't have this, I'm a bit cranky. But it still doesn't end there. At 9am (my first break) I go the the snack bar and again.....Have breakfast. Usually some sort of breakfast sandwich or a BLT whatever is available. Mind you I'm no where near hungry but I'm there. At 11 I go to lunch. And again......Eat. This time its what ever is available that day. Usually pizza or nachos, sandwiches...Whatever. The point is I've been eating all morning and still......Two hours after having my second breakfast.....Am eating again.

I don't really eat again for the rest of the day. I drink a lot of water throughout the day cuz I buy a large drink and use the cup for water for the rest of the day which works for me. And then 4pm comes and I'm heading home with the inevitable stop at McDonald's for my 2 chicken sandwiches that will be consumed in the 15 minute drive home. Once home...Either dinner is made and I/we eat or we go out to eat. We don't normally have dinner here every night like normal people....I would say that maybe twice a week someone cooks....Usually the roomie.....And there are times when its 10/11pm and were out getting something. Its an ugly pattern. One that I'm having a really hard time breaking.

back to Sarah's hair appointment......

so were sitting there and the lady has a huge 51" TV that's on MTV and they are showing reruns of the show True Life. This particular show is called I am Obese. Its about a 17 yr old boy and a 27 yr of girl struggling with weight. The boy is 381, the girl is almost 600 lbs with a disease in her legs that I can't remember the name but basically her legs are blown up the skin literally folds over her ankles. The show is basically about the gastric bypass surgery that she got and he hopes to get.

I'm sitting there and I'm watching this boy go through his day and its similar to mine. Now I don't get the verbal abuse he gets but the shame is there. The shame of knowing what is going through there minds everytime someone looks at you. So I decided that that was not going to be me. I was not going to be ashamed anymore of who I am and once and for all I'm going to get off my ass and do something and I did. I made a plan.

the plan was...Not to sleep in and get up with Sarah, and my goal for the day was to rake the backyard. Since she had to go to work early I would get up with her (instead of sleeping the day away which is what I usually do) take my shower, get dressed, have a little breakfast and I did just that. I got up, showered, made myself some eggs with toast and juice, put on my sweats and like I planned, got the dog and raked the yard. We have a very long big backyard that was just covered in leaves and I thought it would be a great way to be active, use some muscle I haven't used in a long time, and have a clean yard. Buster and Rocco got to spend the day outside. It was a beautiful fall day, the weather was perfect and after about an hour of straight raking I decided to take a break. So I took a seat and decided to call a friend that I haven't spoken to in a long time and we talked for a very long time. Mel and I used to talk all the time back in the day when I was a true Weight Watcher. She was my online buddy at first and then became a really good friend. Till this day we have never met in person but I look forward to the day when we do...And we will soon enough. But anyway....We talked about a lot of things and I was telling her about how I was feeling and pretty much come to the conclusion that I am depressed. Which is possible. I'm almost 40 and I have nothing to show for it...But that's another entry. Anyway the talk was good and I was feeling good, my heart was pumping and my muscles were sore from the work and it felt good. So good that i ate breakfast at 11'ish and "forgot to eat" all day and it was almost 5pm when I was done. It took me in total about 2 hours to rake the yard, Mel and I talked for a really long time and I walked buster around after I was done. So it was a really productive day and I was proud of myself.

then my roomie came home with friends and they were shopping and getting ready to grill which was cool but I just really wanted to rest for a little while cuz Sarah was about to come home and there was talk about going to the haunted house tonight so I wanted to rest. And then it happened.

I was going down the steps and one caved in and I fell through.

now lucky for me there are boxes under that particular step and it stopped me from falling through completely and I was able to get out of that situation, but the damage was done. That being my pride.

I didn't have any physical pain at the time so I knew nothing was broken and it was after letting my roomie know what happened I spent a good amount of time sitting on my bed crying. crying not from being hurt but from everything coming to a head with weight. All the "what if's" starting forming in my head.....Like what if that box wasn't there and I did fall through...How would I get out? Who would help me? I stepped on the scale tonight after all this and it said 380. Who's gone lift that? My roomie who is this little bitty thing??? Her friend who is pregnant?? The kids??? I would have been stuck there until emergency units come to "rescue" me. All I kept seeing was this....

today's headlines: "400 lb woman falls through a flight of stairs and it takes a crane to get her out"

I was just mortified. The step was fixed relatively quickly and a few others were reinforced. Seems the stairs weren't "done right" but regardless......The damage is done.

*segway*

You know its funny...I'm sitting here thinking about my drives home after work and you know what goes through my mind when I'm eating those sandwiches...........Wondering if this is the sandwich that is going to give me that heartattach. Or is this the sandwich that is going to choke me while I'm driving. Like I'm just waiting for this to happen!!!! What the hell is my problem!!!!!

I know its going to happen sooner or later. Going back to my small car.....Just getting into it and getting situated gets me winded. Just like that 17 yr old kid only his car is bigger.

well thats about all i can handle right now. im not sure what the purpose of all this is.......its not for sympathy, thats for sure. maybe to show people that this could be anybody. everyone thinks im so happy go lucky and all smiles and on the outside i am...but inside.....im just not that person. i haven't been in a long time and i miss her so much.

to be continued....................................................one day.