Never Ending Battle
so im at it again. saturday its back to weight watchers only this time im doing it with a friend. im also joining the Y which she is already a member too so we will be doing WW and working out together. hopefully.....no i know that this will work this time. she needs the support and i need the kick in the ass and together we'll do this. its how i lost the first time...with a friend. so i know this will work for me.
were going to be going to different place and i only hope that the leader is good. the meetings are on Saturday morning and 9am. that will be a chore in itself to get up at that time on saturday. only good thing about that is that it gives me the opportunity to not sleep the day away. which will be nice. the meeting is located right near the mall, all kinds of shopping, we can do anything afterwards.
im really looking forward to the journey again. im feeling much more motivated that i have in a long time. mainly cuz i hate the way im living right now physically. its really hard to carry this weight around. every day it becomes more and more of a struggle and even though i have friends who would never let this happen and i have my own pride that would never let this happen......but some days i just don't ever want to get up. you hear about those people who get stuck in bed or on sit on the couch and never get up, its where you eat, its where you sleep, its where you relieve yourself.....you know.....i can see how that happens. the older you get the harder it is. grandma was always right. she used to tell me all the time. "lose it now jeannine, don't wait till your older" now i see why. it is harder. and frankly....yeah ok, ill lose weight...but then you have to deal with flab. its not like my skin is going to bounce back. its just going to hang there. so yeah ill be smaller, but ill have all this flab. real attractive.
they have this full length mirror in the bathrooms at work and i see myself walking and woddle. its funny to watch ourself walk. how your body moves. my entire mid-section goes from side to side. its kinda funny. in reality its not. but at the moment....yeah...its funny. i notice my breathing and how walking the short distance from my desk to the bathroom is winding me. i notice that when i walk anywhere im winded. i notice my face how huge my chin is. i hate my chin. i still haven't completely quit smoking either which plays a huge part in my ability to breath. i haven't smoked in 3 weeks until this past week. i have 2 left and don't plan on getting smoking anymore. especially now that i will be working out. it just is not happening. it scares me sometime. when i leave my house and get in my car and i feel like im having a heart attach because i can't breathe.
i notice how people look at me.
its kinda funny how different people are. i know someone who was extrememly overweight. more than i and had the weight loss surgery. however, like most of the universe she didn't realize that you STILL have to diet and excersise and thought that this was a quick fix and it would solve all her problems. shes about 30 to 40% mobile. i know that she weighs more than i do but not by much. she lost a significant amount but still has a good 200 lbs more to lose. my point with this that this woman is one step away from being stuck where she lays. she never walks, never goes out unless it is absolutley nessessary, and when she does move its to another chair, 3 feet away. but yet im able to walk, im able to move, im able to do all these things. yeah its hard and at times hurts like hell and i do struggle with some things, but im mobile. i never want to get to that point where i can't move anymore.
i dont cook at home either. another huge problem in my weight gain. however even though you eat out, you can still make better choices, but lets face it.....who really wants to do that when your sitting in a bbq place and you can smell the ribs, or a steakhouse and the prime rib is screaming your name, or even ihop where the omelets are so damn good. i hardly ever eat the pancakes...does that count?
and then there are the drive thru's. satans little evil game he likes to play on us.
food is everywhere!!! and to someone like me its really hard to look the other way. temptation is everywhere....in your mind you say no but your arms still turn the wheel towards satans little playground and there you are......screaming into this little black box with this colorful sign in front of you with all these yummy little treats......does it ever end? how do you stop it? how do you pass it by when your stomach is growling so bad you feel faint and you still have 30 minutes before you get home?? what do you do??? ignore it? how can I? society wants me to see it. pulls me in no matter how much i fight it. we are an overweight society. some more than others.
ok...enough of this rant. times are changing and so am i. mind, body, and soul.
so once again i begin this journey to weight loss and i begin my journey to happiness and sucess! i begin with a purpose....
to live.
were going to be going to different place and i only hope that the leader is good. the meetings are on Saturday morning and 9am. that will be a chore in itself to get up at that time on saturday. only good thing about that is that it gives me the opportunity to not sleep the day away. which will be nice. the meeting is located right near the mall, all kinds of shopping, we can do anything afterwards.
im really looking forward to the journey again. im feeling much more motivated that i have in a long time. mainly cuz i hate the way im living right now physically. its really hard to carry this weight around. every day it becomes more and more of a struggle and even though i have friends who would never let this happen and i have my own pride that would never let this happen......but some days i just don't ever want to get up. you hear about those people who get stuck in bed or on sit on the couch and never get up, its where you eat, its where you sleep, its where you relieve yourself.....you know.....i can see how that happens. the older you get the harder it is. grandma was always right. she used to tell me all the time. "lose it now jeannine, don't wait till your older" now i see why. it is harder. and frankly....yeah ok, ill lose weight...but then you have to deal with flab. its not like my skin is going to bounce back. its just going to hang there. so yeah ill be smaller, but ill have all this flab. real attractive.
they have this full length mirror in the bathrooms at work and i see myself walking and woddle. its funny to watch ourself walk. how your body moves. my entire mid-section goes from side to side. its kinda funny. in reality its not. but at the moment....yeah...its funny. i notice my breathing and how walking the short distance from my desk to the bathroom is winding me. i notice that when i walk anywhere im winded. i notice my face how huge my chin is. i hate my chin. i still haven't completely quit smoking either which plays a huge part in my ability to breath. i haven't smoked in 3 weeks until this past week. i have 2 left and don't plan on getting smoking anymore. especially now that i will be working out. it just is not happening. it scares me sometime. when i leave my house and get in my car and i feel like im having a heart attach because i can't breathe.
i notice how people look at me.
its kinda funny how different people are. i know someone who was extrememly overweight. more than i and had the weight loss surgery. however, like most of the universe she didn't realize that you STILL have to diet and excersise and thought that this was a quick fix and it would solve all her problems. shes about 30 to 40% mobile. i know that she weighs more than i do but not by much. she lost a significant amount but still has a good 200 lbs more to lose. my point with this that this woman is one step away from being stuck where she lays. she never walks, never goes out unless it is absolutley nessessary, and when she does move its to another chair, 3 feet away. but yet im able to walk, im able to move, im able to do all these things. yeah its hard and at times hurts like hell and i do struggle with some things, but im mobile. i never want to get to that point where i can't move anymore.
i dont cook at home either. another huge problem in my weight gain. however even though you eat out, you can still make better choices, but lets face it.....who really wants to do that when your sitting in a bbq place and you can smell the ribs, or a steakhouse and the prime rib is screaming your name, or even ihop where the omelets are so damn good. i hardly ever eat the pancakes...does that count?
and then there are the drive thru's. satans little evil game he likes to play on us.
food is everywhere!!! and to someone like me its really hard to look the other way. temptation is everywhere....in your mind you say no but your arms still turn the wheel towards satans little playground and there you are......screaming into this little black box with this colorful sign in front of you with all these yummy little treats......does it ever end? how do you stop it? how do you pass it by when your stomach is growling so bad you feel faint and you still have 30 minutes before you get home?? what do you do??? ignore it? how can I? society wants me to see it. pulls me in no matter how much i fight it. we are an overweight society. some more than others.
ok...enough of this rant. times are changing and so am i. mind, body, and soul.
so once again i begin this journey to weight loss and i begin my journey to happiness and sucess! i begin with a purpose....
to live.
posted by Jae | 5/18/2006 01:18:00 PM
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